If I Die Young
by ThisCatalyst'sPen
Summary: Their brother is dead, taken away from them cruelly by a cowardly mistake. But is he really gone? What is he trying to warn his brothers about? And will he be able to warn them in time? Or will they too share his untimely fate?
1. Prologue- A Short Life

**Summary: **Their brother is dead, taken away from them cruelly by a cowardly mistake. But is he really gone? What is he trying to warn his brothers about? And will he be able to warn them in time? Or will they too share his untimely fate?

**A/n: **Had the idea for this when I was tossing and turning and trying to get some sleep the other night. I suppose all ideas, both good and bad, sprout from the musings that insomnia can bring.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the Turtles.

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**If I Die Young**

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_If I die young, bury me in satin_

_Lay me down on a bed of roses  
Sink me in the river at dawn  
Send me away with the words of a love song  
The sharp knife of a short life, oh well  
I've had just enough time_

~The Band Perry

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**~Prologue~**

Master Splinter closed his eyes in grief, bowing his head as the tidal wave of anguish washed over him and fractured his heart into a thousand sharp, tiny shards. He tried to hold back the hot tears that leaked from the corners of his eyes, but failed. He tried to keep a hold of the sob that was building up within his throat, but could no longer contain it. So he let the tears roll freely down his furry cheeks and the sobs escape his chest. Tonight he could find no calmness or stability through meditation. How could he, when the life of his family was fractured?

Memories leapt unbidden to his mind and played across his closed lids, swirls of colour and wisps of smoke that danced before his eyes and formed into familiar shapes. Master Splinter choked on a sob and buried his face in his hands. He didn't want these images in his mind, as splendid and lovely as they were, they were also heartbreaking. He thought his heart couldn't ache any more than it did now, but the images felt like another punch to the gut, and felt as if the pointed shards of his heart were piercing through his chest.

He took big, gulping breaths, trying desperately to get his emotions in check and his breathing under control. He needed to be there for his family, to comfort them during this hard time. There would be time for him to grieve later.

Slowing his breathing and trying to calm himself down, Master Splinter wiped his tears away with a shaking hand, trying to compose himself. He needed to be strong now for his family. They could not see him cry.

Regaining his composure and his control, Master Splinter let out a deep, steading breath and opened his eyes. The solitary flame of the single candle danced slowly, casting flickering shadows on the wall. Warmth spilled from the flame, and Master Splinter found comfort in the dancing colours, the heat and the familiarity.

Master Splinter always knew that this life he raised his sons in would be hard, and he knew it would be dangerous. He always waited up every time they went out for patrol, worry knotting in his chest until they returned, laughing and smiling and oblivious to their father's worry.

But now all that fear and worry had come true. The fear that, he may outlive one of his sons had turned into a horrific reality, and no amount of desperate pleas or anguished tears could change that.

Looking down at the red bandanna still clutched in his hands, Master Splinter rose slowly to his feet. He could hear his sons in the other room, and knew they needed comforting. Clutching the bandanna like one would clutch a lifeline; Master Splinter left the solitude of his room and went to his sons.

His four, beautiful, sweet sons that now had become three._  
_

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**A/n: **So, what did you all think? I'd love to hear your thoughts, dear readers. More to come soon,

~Cat


	2. Chapter 1- I Will Always Be Your Light

**Summary: Their brother is dead, taken away from them cruelly by a cowardly mistake. But is he really gone? What is he trying to warn his brothers about? And will he be able to warn them in time? Or will they too share his untimely fate?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Turtles.**

**A/n: Thank you to everyone who read the prologue- your feedback means a lot to me! I'm sure you are all wondering what exactly happened to Raphael, and where I am going with this little tale. Don't worry, for you will soon find out. Not yet though- you have all boarded the one-way-trip to Angst, and the journey isn't over yet ;)**

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**If I Die Young**

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_So please don't cry_  
_Although I leave you here this night_  
_Where ever I may go how far I don't know_  
_But I will always be your light_  
_And if the moon had to runaway_  
_And all the stars didn't wanna play_  
_Don't waste the sun on a rainy day_  
_The wind will soon blow it all away_

-Jet

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**-Chapter One-**

Leo hadn't slept at all that night. The clock showed that it was just after four in the morning. As quietly as he could, Leo de-tangled himself from his brothers. None of them had wanted to be in their own rooms, alone. They had all cuddled up on the couch, holding each other as they cried and sobbed and all their individual tears started to mingle. After a while, Mikey and Don had fallen asleep from sheer exhaustion. But no matter how tired Leo was and how heavy and puffy his eyes were, he could not sleep. So he had stayed awake, keeping a silent vigil for his brother.

Readjusting his mask slightly to hide the redness of his eyes, Leo tiptoed silently up the stairs to the second floor. Their beds lay made, unslept in during the night. Leo continued silently down the hall until he was in front of a familiar door. He couldn't count how many times this door had been slammed in his face in anger, or how many times he had stood awkwardly, trying to work himself up or think of words to say to his brother. Sometimes, he would know what to say and wouldn't even hesitate. Other times he would stand awkwardly at the door, staring at the grain of wood before taking a deep breath and cautiously stepping into the room. But most times he would stare at the door as if it held the secrets of the universe. Sometimes he would stand their transfixed for fifteen minutes or more, before silently turning and walking away.

He stood in front of the door now, staring at the familiar wood grain, and for a moment he could have sworn he heard his brother in the room, snoring faintly in his sleep. But the delirious thought vanished as quickly as it had come. Trying to hold back another onslaught of tears, Leo shakily opened the door and walked into the familiar room.

Nothing had changed since the last time he had been in here. Weights and dumbbells of various weights and sizes littered the floor like a minefield. A few wrestling and car magazines also littered the floor and Raphael's motor bike helmet sat proudly on his bedside table, alongside his spare Sais. Elbow and knee-pads were discarded randomly on the floor, making it hard to see the actual floor beneath the plethora of junk. In the far corner of his room, Raphael's hammock hung silently. Blankets spilled from the side of the hammock, like some grotesque disembowelled animal.

Leo felt a lump rise in his throat. The room still _smelled _like his brother. It was like Raphael wasn't gone at all, that he was out in the kitchen, rummaging around the cupboards half asleep looking for breakfast. Kneeling down on the floor, Leo looked around the room with a sense of overwhelming grief.

A flash of scarlet caught the corner of his eye. Turning his head, Leo spotted the tail of an old, battered and torn red mask sticking out from under a pile of old magazines. With a shaking hand, he reached out and picked the material up carefully, as if it were made of glass and not simple fabric.

Ribs adorned the material, and dark smudges of dirt and grease and blood stained the material. Leo didn't know how old the mask was, but clearly Raphael had forgotten all about it, or simply hadn't bothered to throw it away.

A silent tear rolled down his cheek, which was quickly followed by another and another. Within seconds the tears flowed uncontrollably, like a swift flowing river, coursing and streaming down his cheeks. An anguished sob broke free from his chest, and Leo nearly curled in on himself as a fresh spike of grief pierced him straight through the remains of his heart. His tears stained Raphael's old mask, and Leo clutched the suddenly precious fabric close to his chest, thinking that for a moment, he was holding his brother once more, and not just an article of clothing he used to wear.

The sobs came uncontrollably now; all the tears and emotions he had tried to hold back last night for his family, finally erupted and showed no signs of stopping. It felt like someone had stabbed him with his own blade, scorching hot and searing in intensity. He couldn't see anything but a blur through the tears that threatened to consume him, and he struggled for breath through his heart-ripping sobs.

A warm hand suddenly rested on his shoulder and Leo jerked back in surprise. No one had ever snuck up on him before or surprised him like that. He was always too vigilante, but he had let his guard down.

He looked up into the tear-stained face of his youngest brother. Mikey didn't say anything, not trusting his own voice. Instead, he kneeled down beside Leo and wrapped his arms around him in a fierce hug, which made Leo sob even more.

Wrapping his own arms around his brother, they stayed like on floor for how long, they couldn't quite tell, sharing each other's tears and sharing each other's grief.

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**A/n: I apologise for the shortness of the chapter and the continued angst. I promise that the chapters will become longer- I'm just exploring the reactions of the characters first. Feedback is appreciated, but not mandatory ;)**

**Until the next time,**

**Cat**


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